new direction

What do I have to write about? What do I have to share. (conscious punctuation). I feel like nothing, but there’s stuff inside of me that wants to get out so here we are. A blog about nothing, a blog about everything. I am a 30 year old woman. I am married to a man and have two kids. I live in the northeast u.s.a. I recently moved to my hometown from the largest metropolitan area in the state. Adjusting is still happening and I am surprised by it in spite of myself. I am learning that things can happen swiftly, quickly, but that we can play catch up with it for some time. For instance, having a new baby. It’s chaotic. It shakes up your entire household, all the beings in it. Routines, relationships, standings. The baby arrives quickly, but the adjustment period lasts. You think it is a bump in the road before things return to normal, but in fact a new normal now exists that you need to adjust to.

Back to moving. It happened swiftly. There was an interview and job offer within days of one another. Less than three weeks later we were moving into our new rental, by virtue of a very helpful person. In those three weeks, one of my kids broke their arm. He then started kindergarten a week later. Less than a year earlier, he became a big brother. Changes happening swiftly, processing after the fact. Adjustment.

It’s been nearly seven months now, since we moved. The cast was long ago taken off. A school routine has been established, not without many bumps. A work routine. These routines are the scaffolding of our lives. Everything else works around it. We grasp at the routines and try to create our new normal around them.

A Little Oregon

From the end of May, 2012... Just a few photos, mostly taken in transit. So lovely and lush there. I've wanted to visit that nook of the States for so long, and it felt so good to be there. :)


A tunnel!

Intermittent rain

Along the Columbia Gorge

made here

Who doesn't love an astronaut?

Until next time!

Musings on Gemini and Cancer

Signs going through- where did Gemini go? So fun so fast so head spinning! Is it like that after having a Gemini in your life for so long then leaving, for whatever reason? And now cancer.... already more subdued, introspective, plus the moon and mercury... my heads spinning in a different direction. Cue existential crisis.
Literally this morning /early afternoon was great for me. Was in a great mental space, things were going my way even tho I was just doing everyday things like going to work. Noted it was the new moon, but didn't have the exact time. And then I got home from work and that mental space left and since I was back from Zen Ing out at work and back where I have to you know Then I checked the moon and yep, 2* cancer. Felt anxious and stressed. Did a cooldown ritual ;) feel a little better but mostly I am going to fight this urge to just take a Xanax ;) heh...
It's really nice outside right now. Belts of Venus are setting. Hear birds chirping, some people talking in the distance but I can't make out what they're saying, and see the small trees and leaves starting to silhouette against the early evening sky.... beautiful June in maine. Happy almost summer solstice :)

here and there and here

I miss being on an airplane... even though I don't especially love flying, and the process of actually getting on a plane can be a hassle, I'm missing it pretty hard today. #vacationletdown. Kind of stings. But also makes me look forward. I want to put some photos up on here. Of the travels. Not a tour of Europa but a tour of the western US, at least part of it. : ) Miss it... Love the west. Happy to be back here, to keep the travel bug happy we are planning several short weekend-type trips, to other parts of Maine, Vermont, NYC, maybe even Quebec City if we're lucky. I just have this vision of us being a little family who does cool stuff. Vague, but that's essentially it. Work is a means to an ends, but not necessarily just that. Of course, I would like to have a set, defined career where I make my money, but for me, anyway, I think that will come gradually. I feel like I'm still in the learning stage, even though I'm no longer partaking in a formal education. Although I do miss school sometimes, but I wish I could go to my own ideal school which would have credit hours in astrology, astronomy, space in general, physics, acting/theatre, poetry, music lessons and theory. And on how to grow things, how to forage for food, meditation groups, yoga and nature walks and running and biking, parenting classes, photography, art of all kinds, medicine and health and wellness, psychology and dream analysis and learning at communicating more effectively.... Can that please exist? And can it be affordable? Just a thought. I'm growing sleepy... I think I will go sleep now. Long, but fulfilling, day, but after drinks and other things I just want to snuggle up in my comfy bed and go off to sleep. So, I think that's what I will do. Xs and Os.

astro shit

*My dudes watching last weekend's Scorpio full moon... yay for warm nights!

*Today I'm going to babble about astrology. Think I will cross-post to wandering stars, and also add some other notes there. Or maybe here too?

*To better understand astrology and myself... I have began keeping a celestial journal, of sorts. (I ordered one on Amazon, and I was so happy to get it in the mail today... but I ordered the 2011 edition instead of the 2012! d'oh... but in my defense, why were they even selling 2011 anymore?!) So, I will return that one, and will get a 2012 one, but until then just have my own.

*I am focusing on the transits of the moon. I was reading on skywriter (amazing site, btw) that, because the moon runs through all the signs so quickly, you can observe how you feel when certain aspects are made with your personal planets. Get an idea of how you're affected. Like, when I felt insane the other night? Oh look, Scorpio moon directly opposing my natal moon in Taurus, in the 8th house. And it passed quickly, like the moon through degrees, but when it was exact, it was intense. Feeling inadequate, lost, unloved. I found this out after the fact, by the way. There's a quote about this, about not being controlled by the stars, but rather being freed by them... Astrology helps me like that. Helps me to understand certain influences, and that even when I'm having a crazy Caroline moment, that it's temporary, and I can choose how to behave... or something.

*Anyway, today my 3rd and 6th houses are really being activated by the moon. Communications, work, writing. I've been studying for about an hour, got my journal all organized, cleaned around the house, story time with the babe, who is now napping. Talked to and firmed up plans with an old friend I haven't seen in... years! :) Moon on my Mars today, in the 3rd=action from communication, with an old friend=very Sagittarian. :)

gray day

i'm blocked. i officially am suffering from writer's block. and thinking about it is making it worse. so, i'm just going to put up some photos. it's a wonderful drizzly, dewey day out here in maine, kept staring at the grass earlier while we were outside earlier nature-walking it/chasing the cat:

and really, i just liked the moss on this tree, and i'm really excited about seeing crazy things like leaves on trees. spring is amazing.

also, i think my blog is being eaten by some weird russian website (according to my stats, anyway), but if there are any real humans reading this who would like to share some tips about overcoming writer's block, please... share away. :)

saturday.

spring. i like it.

it's been a good day... sisterly visits and playing outside with my little guy. 

he's pretty into shadows.

(I think he may have been pointing at the moon, which was visible, if not, then a toy truck. can't totally remember.)

also liked the dandelions.

(side note: i may try to make dandelion tea. also, i wonder about the greens. i've seen them at markets/whole foods, but the greens there are WAY bigger than these ones. something to research? i wonder if they're yummy...)

and here's a green(!) tree and some blue sky. the rain we got that one day last week totally transformed everything to bright colors. soon i'll be at the beach. soon.

Tried to find butterflies/bumblebees, to no avail. I think it was too windy for them...

It's a Leo moon as of mid-day today. Love yourself, but don't be arrogant to others. Venus in Gemini... has anyone else been giving into buying material things for others (okay, and myself a little bit too.)? Just me? 

Still reading the blood type diet book. Pretty interesting so far, but some of the foods that are on my "avoid" list... I just don't know. I think it's gonna be more like, "be more conscious of when you eat this. maybe more sparingly?" heh. Will write a review when I'm finished with it, hopefully by weekend's end...

My new favorite beer

Yummy elderberry beer... I love Magic Hat! It's in the new Summer variety packs. :)


(This counts as an entry, right? ;) )
xo!

food and stars

I REALLY need to start going to bed earlier! I think I need more than 8 hours a night... at least for awhile! My energy reserves have been LOW, I have dark circles that won't go away, I look exhausted... my problem is that I always start to feel energized around 6pm. My body is seriously nocturnal, so therefore I hate going to bed early. I was doing some research on the Blood Type diet... the premise sounds a little hokey to me, but what I read online did actually resonate with me, to an extent. I have blood type A, and the part about how As manifest stress- feeling like they're in a brain fog, not sleeping well/enough, OCD... yup, yup, and yup. Also, I don't really care to eat meat every day, but I do crave it once in awhile (although I've been eating it 2-3 times a week at the suggestion of my Doctor, who's into Chinese Medicine). I just reserved the book, Eat Right 4 Your Type at the library and will give it a read... my diet does need some help. I eat fairly healthily, just not enough, I ingest too much caffeine, and I'm often so tired that I just skip eating a real meal and snack instead. I know all this, and yet, I just kind of keep doing it. So this will be an interesting experiment. I'll try to track it a bit every day to see if I can note any changes!

Today the moon is in Gemini (not for too much longer, though). It's trining (making a 120* angle- favorable aspect) to Saturn, which is in Libra, so I think this could be a good time to brainstorm about your goals, how you'd like to move forward in life. Could be career, love, just in general. You don't need to overexert your brain, though, and nothing that you come up with has to be set in stone, so don't stress too hard, just appreciate the support from the sky. ;) That "of two minds" influence is affecting us all... especially us mutable types! 

travel and perspective, part one.

I love traveling. Well, I don't really like flying unless I have some Valium or something of the sort, but I love reaching and exploring new places. :) Traveling is something that makes me feel accomplished, like I'm really doing something with myself. So far in life I have traveled a fair amount in the States and Canada, but my international travel is sorely lacking! I have an empty, sad passport begging for stamps. I'm saving money for a trip by way of cleaning houses, and my partner has some points from a credit card that can go toward airline tickets. So, we're slowly but surely saving up. It's intimidating, though- I tried just, ya know, looking up flights and the like, when it hit me that I have no idea what I'm doing, trying to plan any sort of travel outside of America. Like, literally. I have no clue. Cheapest/safest forms of travel and accommodations while there? Nope. How to speak any language besides English, save for "we're going to the beach" in French? (Thanks, high school!). Again, nope.

Not that the information can't be found... somewhere. But my head started spinning while pouring over blogs/travel sites, so, I think I may contact a travel agent at some point as a starting point for my clueless self. 

In the meantime- here's where I want to go (will probably take more than one trip, says my rational brain, while the free-spirited side of me is like, we can do it all in one trip and it will be amazing and affordable! :|)

From what I've researched, it would be quite a bit cheaper to fly into Dublin as opposed to London. My partner is about 40% Irish, has an affinity for Guinness, is very interested in this heritage, so it would work quite well for us:

 

From there, it'd be over to Scotland/Wales/England...

(Starting to have that thing happen when you look at photos of things you want but can't yet have... like that mix of depression that you're not there now, but excitement that you will be someday)

Then I'd be like, bye...

And mosey on over to France. I'm sure the people will hate me, as I'm from a town named for a French city, except that we completely butcher the pronunciation, I can't speak their language for shit, and I'll probably be the biggest tourist custie ever, geeking out all over the place.

(artist:John Horsewell)

Well, that's all I can do for now. Have to wake up my son from his nap as much as I hate to do that, but if I don't he won't sleep well tonight. Sighs. Also running a few errands and such. Hopefully I will find time tonight to finish this!

list

Lists help me a lot. Probably the best coping strategy for my adult ADD! Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed with things to do, writing it all down and being able to see it in front of me helps so much. Achieving everything on said list? That's a different story. But what's left over serves as a good reminder for later...

Anyway... rambling. I'm trying to de-clutter our living space. I haven't done a good thorough purging of stuff probably in about a year...? I need to start one area at a time... think I will begin with my closet and dresser drawers. So much I don't wear but can't part with! I still have some shirts that I never wear but still really like from my younger years... I'd like to do either this or this or maybe even  this with them. Except that I don't know how to operate a sewing machine. Maybe I could manage it by hand though? I should set a date, if I don't do it by a certain time, I have to get rid of them so someone else can enjoy them! (btw, I love Pinterest, if you're into it, feel free to follow me here! I'll follow ya back! :) ) Anyway, yes, this is my project to do. I'm thinking three containers... donate, consign, eBay.

So that's one thing on my list. I always have like, multiple lists. One for household stuff, one for personal stuff, one for career-type things. It's kind of crazy thinking of all that we blend into our lives every day and just do. We all wear so many hats, so I don't think anyone should get discouraged if they can't accomplish everything in one day.

So, this was kind of a boring post! Really just a brain dump for me. What's on your list? :)

Lately

Just a few shots

a surprise from yesterday

ferry-watching in Portland, Maine

the salt marsh near my home

late sunset, longer days

kites.

april showers

Woke up to rain, and real rain, not just an overcast but still somehow bright day like yesterday which only manages to give me a headache. Today it's pouring, my son has already gotten me out to play in the puddles and back inside again. Coffee, breakfast, more coffee, still sleepy. Got lots of sleep but I always want more.

Rearranged living room, more open, better flow. Need to give away loveseat, though, to feel the full effect. Feels nice. Couch now faces the windows, which feels calming. It's quiet inside except for the pattering of rain and my son playing around with his cars, crayons, whatever. It feels cozy, peaceful, I should do some cleaning, bread is baking in the bread machine.

And I'm thinking about the things I really should do- job applications, planning for the future, a possible move 234 miles east, to the literal edge of America- it makes me feel a little stressed. But at least beginning one thing will make me feel less stressed. How do I know that we're making the right choice? I don't want to get stuck, although we are already sort of stuck here. We know it's time for a change. It seems like a good one. I feel drawn there. I think I would feel more inspired. Want to write more, photograph more, document more. Temporary. I have to keep telling myself that it will be a temporary shift. I think I'm getting too far ahead of myself.

Must do some stretches today. And some laundry. And some book-reading. Perhaps some astrology studies. We'll see.

Couponing and a great Groupon!

I know, I'm all over the place! But this is the way my brain works, you see. ;)

Anyway, I am a moderate couponer. I don't like to buy gross food no matter how cheap I can get it, and I don't usually buy things I wouldn't normally just because it's inexpensive. Sometimes I'll post good deals or links to coupons I use just FYI, and any tips I might think up/come across. I just started last April, so I'm fairly new at it and learning new things all the time. I'm kind of an old lady regarding some of my interests, but it's okay, because I've always kind of been that way. I mean, I used to read my Mom's issues of Real Simple and the like when I was a teenager and before, heh. 

Anyway- gotta go make lunch, but here's a good groupon for today- $10 for a $20 purchase at Old Navy. I'm totally getting it!

http://www.groupon.com/ch/grouponicus/deals/gx-nat-old-navy-us?c=all&p=2

It's a cold, grey day

More to come...

Elderberry

I could feel myself coming down with something the other day. Aching all over, low energy, weird headache, vague sore throat. I assumed I was coming down with what had been going around @ my partner's work. So that night I decided to put the elderberry tincture I had made a couple months ago to the test (didn't think of it earlier- duh!). I took 20 drops, went to bed early (around 9:30), and woke up the next morning feeling fine. Not sick. Full of energy and ready to take on the day. Maybe it was mostly the sleep, maybe it was mostly the elderberry, maybe my body did most of the work itself... We could speculate all day. Elderberries are rich in Vitamin C, potassium, and antioxidants. They have been used for a long, long time to shorten the duration of colds and other illnesses, and also as a preventative. Here's the recipe if you want to make your own elderberry tincture- it was very easy, and I literally had no experience with tinctures prior to making this. Here's the recipe, courtesy of Clean, which is a great website that I encourage you to check out.


Fresh Elderberry Tincture


1. Locate: Find a site with abundant wild elderberries (sambucus ssp.). We honor the wildcrafting rule of 10/1. For every ten plants (or flowers, or fruits, or mushrooms) in the immediate area, you may take one home. If there are fewer than ten leave them to propagate the area and check back another year. You can also purchase dried elderberries online or at your coop, but I prefer fresh.


2. Harvest: Pick your elderberries right on the umbels (umbrella-shaped berry clusters). The stems are hollow and the fresh clusters snap off with ease. Don't fuss with picking off the individual berries. We'll get to that at home. Gather the ripest, almost black berries.


3. Freeze: When you have a bag-full take the berries home and pop them in the freezer. When frozen the berries will crumble with ease off of the stem.


4. Separate: Crumble the berries off of the stem into a bowl and transfer to a quart jar. Fill the jar with berries to just below the shoulders. Allow to thaw.


5. Muddle: With a wooden spoon or kraut pounder break the berries open a bit. You don't need to pulverze them, but muddle them up a bit. Some seeds will become exposed, and they look a little like bugs - so don't freak (see photo above).


6. Steep: Cover to in inch or two above the berries with good brandy (in Wisconsin a basic decent brandy is Korbel, so that's what we use). Lid, label, and tuck away in a dark quiet corner for 4 to 6 weeks. Tip the jar over and gently shake every time you think of it.

7. Bottle: Strain through a stainless steel colander lined with a thin cloth. Store in amber dropper bottles or glass jars in your medicine cabinet.


You can take a few drops of elderberry tincture often throughout the winter months. Dosage is as follows when feeling under the weather:


Adults 20 drops 2 - 3 times/day in water
Children 10 drops 2 - 3 times/day in water


*FYI- Do not eat elderberries. Make sure the berries you select to use are ripe.

*Notes: I used vodka (Pinnacle), instead of brandy, and it worked fine. It would obviously be sweeter with brandy, though. Also, for my son I put it in water, but for me I put the drops right on/under my tongue. We had previously ordered some baby vitamin D drops for my son so I used the old cleaned out dropper bottle from the used up D for the elderberry. (If you needed to buy one, I'm sure your local health food store would have some for purchase, or look it up online if you don't have that resource handy). The batch I made ended up making more than I could fit in one bottle, so I strained what couldn't fit and put it in a mason jar with the cap on tightly and tucked it away for when I need a refill. If you make it, or have made it in the past, let me know how you like it!




Ask your doctor before taking any supplement or medicine, especially if you are on other medications.

of relocation

Dichotomy and fusion... Can I have aspects of both? Ponder ponder.

We want to move. I've said this so many times over the past year, but we do. But we keep getting hung up on the same roadblocks. Mostly- confusion as to where. The dichotomy comes into play; on one hand, I love being so close to Portland, Maine. I have lived in or around the area for nearly 4.5 years now. I've made friends here, grown closer with old friends who live here. Gabe has a good job here, and I love the convenience of being so close to stores, and being able to have variety in that sense. A nice variety of good quality restaurants, bars, tea and coffeehouses. Entertainment. Resources. Good healthcare. Meditation group. Yoga studios. We are also very close to several beaches. With all this being said... why would we want to move?

Well. It isn't cheap. Homes are expensive, taxes are high. Gabe spends the majority of his awake time away at work. And we don't even own a home yet. We crave a simpler life, in some ways. We dream of having a small vegetable garden, a workshop, a nice yard enclosed with protective trees, down a dirt road in the country. I can envision ourselves making more of the things we now buy, being more sustainable, being less materialistic. I don't want to forage for the things I need at big box stores. I want to be able to make things, learn so much, and be able to teach them to Rhys. Maybe I'm being a romantic idealist. The prospect of making all new friends, an all new network, makes me feel uncomfortable because I have such a great one now, and it wasn't exactly easy to cultivate. I know I would be lonely for them. 

But not making a choice, is still a choice. And right now we are choosing to be here. 

It's not like there aren't country-ish settings around here, but again. Not cheap. 

And so, back around the circle again. I don't know. I keep thinking I'll know when I know, but it keeps not happening. Don't want to force it, also don't want to miss it. Ya know?

Herbs to Protect Against Radiation

{Not astrology-related, just thought it was interesting}

Herbs to Protect Against Radiation (from cell phones, wifi, nuclear power plants, etc., etc.)
From Common Ground 25 Sept. 2011
Gail Edwards @ Blessed Maine Herb.

Rosemary- very protective herb
2 (oil-soluble) acids in it. Protect human cells and repair radiation damages.
*Infuse Extra Virgin Olive Oil with Rosemary. Put in sprigs, cover for 6 weeks. Can cook with or put oil on body, on thyroid/thymus (upper chest area).
*Can chew raw
*Tincture- 30 drops/day
*OK with breastfeeding
*Baking with it anyway is great, especially on meat, fat/oils. Perfect on chicken.
*Can also steep as a tea, but need to steep for 2+ hours (this source is not as good as the other ways)

Caffeic Acid
Top food- Apples. Also Pears, Plums, Cherries. Lots of pectin. Baked apple if ill.

Brassica- Cabbage, Cauliflower, Broccoli and Broccoli Rabe, Bok Choy, Kale
*Protects us/cells and repairs
*Contains sulforaphane. Water-soluble.
*Need to lightly steam/simmer to release nutrients (also drink water leftover in pot)

Fermentation intensifies benefits. Make sauerkraut. Missing link in diet! Natural probiotics.

Seaweed/Sea Vegetables (Wakame). Very important. Protect + Repair.
*Powdered kelp
*Franklin, ME- Shep Airhart @ ME Coast Sea Vegetables (in many health food stores)
*Potassium and Sodium content are same as us
(Can also soak in seaweed bath or use in shower- use muslin bag full of seaweed).

Adaptogens (class of herbs/substances)
*must be 100% nontoxic to qualify
*Greeche mushrooms grown in Maine (all are medicinal/protective)
*American Ginseng.
-very rare. buy from legit source.
-tincture- 10-20 drops anywhere from 3x/week to every day.

Quickly

My future isn't about my past. (Life is only about NOW): Nothing that has ever happened has anything to do with now, unless, in my now, I continue to think and speak about it. Fresh new thoughts today will always give me a fresh new experience.-Ester and Jerry Hicks


This is my theme for the upcoming year. I have this tendency to ruminate on the past and it does me no favors, just keeps me stuck in places I don't need to be. There are so many better places for me to direct my energy!


Being consistent- something I've always struggled with, as I'm sure anyone else who has ADD has as well. And perhaps what I really mean is sticking to what I want to do. I'm the type who gets some idea in her head, semi-explores it, takes a couple steps toward it, and then it just goes nowhere because I don't continue on. I need to be more consistent in that respect- I still want to grow and change positively as a person, obviously.

No photos today- wrong computer. Next time. (Musical laptops is a consequence of being out one myself :/).

x

December

Today=
teething toddler
family time
pilates
laundry


And snow. Also, a sunset. Lots of motion blur.

Oh, and purple eyeliner and a high ponytail. The eyeliner was pretty much rubbed off by this point, but I never wear colored eyeliner, only black, so this was a fun change ;)

That's about it... the teething toddler is awake, still, at 10:37 p.m. and stealing my attention...